Losing a cat can be a life-changing event — one that can be as difficult as the loss of a human companion. The pain associated with such a loss can be devastating, whether it is sudden or long expected. Even when we understand that our cat's life will end, our response can be significant when the time comes.
Our cats are our companions and a constant presence in our daily lives. When they are no longer with us, we are often left with a significant void. Grieving is a healthy, natural response to loss. There is no "normal" timeline for grief — "it takes as long as it takes" may be a useful mantra. Whether you feel sad, anxious, tired, guilty or relieved, this is normal. There is no "correct" way to grieve the loss of your cat.
Understanding grief
Grief may be experienced in stages that can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Not everyone experiences all of these stages, nor in a particular order or for any set period of time.
At first we may find it difficult to believe our cat is truly gone (denial), and when we acknowledge the reality we can feel angry. We bargain by asking "what if?" — believing that if we'd only recognised an illness sooner, everything would be different. Sadness can set in as low motivation, crying or sleep difficulties. Eventually we accept that our cat is gone, and although we may still feel sad while remembering our loss, we typically regain a sense of normalcy as time passes.
If your daily functioning — sleep, eating, ability to perform regular tasks, or interacting with family and friends — continues to be compromised, you are likely to benefit from professional support.
Grief following euthanasia
The word euthanasia is derived from the Greek euthanatos, which translates as "good death". Euthanasia is often a compassionate and reasonable alternative to prolonged suffering. Even when it feels like a kindness, making the decision to euthanise can be very difficult.
When to consult a professional
You deserve all the support you need following the loss of your cat. For some people, family and friends provide all the support needed; others find professional support more useful. People seek professional grief counselling for many reasons — feeling uncomfortable sharing their loss, not feeling validated, having pre-existing concerns resurface, or becoming concerned about impairments in daily functioning. If you are having trouble sleeping, eating, interacting with others or performing daily tasks, a mental-health professional can be a helpful support.
Coping with loss
There are many strategies to help cope with loss, including choosing symbols of remembrance:
- Organise a memorial gathering
- If cremation was chosen, spread the ashes in a meaningful location
- Save fur clippings
- Plant a tree or flowers
- Create a photo book or video
- Make a donation in your cat's name to an organisation with meaning to you
There are hundreds of memorialising options online, including urns and garden stones. These are meaningful for some people; others prefer to keep their memories alone. Find what resonates with you.